1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
