apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
