Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
