My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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