im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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