I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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