Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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