And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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