Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
