Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
