I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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