I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
