I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
