What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she peed on how many people?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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