He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
