Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
