i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
