drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
