using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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