You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
