you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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