Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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