brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
