Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
whose parrot is this?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
