she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize