I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
