He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Send help, water and tortillas.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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