I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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