Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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