Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I lost the right to judge tonight
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
