She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
