Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
