woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
