My cat gives me a boner
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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