No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
