If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
