I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
