Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
