just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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