Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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