mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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