I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize