I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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