I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
