so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize