I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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