He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
