Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
