Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
