I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We got so high we made milksteak
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
