Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
