yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
