I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
