Screwed.edu
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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