And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
