I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
