Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
