(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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