dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
