i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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