you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's never too late to be topless.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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