Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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