HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
