Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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