Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

I wanna bring you to show and tell

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(763): View more from Minnesota

that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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(541): View more from Oregon

And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor

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(248): View more from Michigan

you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."

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(678): View more from Georgia

NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

(404): View more from Georgia

YES.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.

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(563): View more from Iowa

Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.

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(419): View more from Ohio

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.

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